A few months ago we (my husband and I) spoke at church about being missionaries to Central and South America. Afterward several people came to us to express how excited they were about what we were doing and how much they admired us for our commitment.
Since that time I have thought about these looks of admiration, and wonder if so many people seem to view me as some kind of super Christian. Do they see me in a white robe with a halo or what? I wondered why that bothered me so much. Don’t we all strive for the approval of our peers? Shouldn’t I be basking in the glory? Patting myself on the back? But I knew that I was not here because of anything I did. I felt like a hypocrite; still hiding behind a mask. I didn’t intend to wear a mask, but in reality we all do. We hide what’s really happening in our lives behind the mask of what we think we should be, what we’ve been told we should be or just what we wish we could be. It’s the trap.
I realized once again that I had fallen into the trap, the same trap I’d fallen into so many times before. The trap that says I am not worthy. The little voice that says if they knew the real you they wouldn’t look at you with admiration they would look at you with distain. The voice that says if you don’t keep up the facade, keep on the mask, they won’t accept you. You won't let you be part of them.
Don’t you wonder how many times God is thinking “How many times do you have to tell you?”
I know that in His eyes I am worthy, not because of what I've done but because of what He has done. Because of the blood of Christ, God sees me in His righteousness. The trap is a lie and it gets me every time. But this time, just like the last, it’s a little easier to get out.
I realized that my mask is not hiding my unworthiness it is hiding His glory. If I don’t tell them my story, the real story, they won’t see how far God has brought me. They won’t see how much He had to overcome to get me to this place. How it had nothing to do with what I had done, it was about what He had done. And if they don't accept me afterward that's OK, because the only one who matters is God. He accepts me as I am. He made me what I am today and anything He's made is something to be awed, not mocked.
I am going to tell my story to whoever will listen, are you willing to tell yours?